Dealing with Bridezilla
You will know her when you see her, and learn to run in the opposite direction! Just imagine Godzilla with your fiancés face and red glowing eyes with the ability to turn the hardest of men into mush and devastate people in her wake! Your once even-tempered, amiable, 'wouldn’t say boo to a goose' fiancé has turned, almost overnight into someone who is irritable, irrational, accusatory, demanding and dismissive, i.e. you are now dealing with Bridezilla!
Whether you are the groom, her friend or family member, dealing with bridezilla is never a pleasant experience as the person you once knew and loved has changed under the pressure of organising a wedding. A bridezilla planning and organising her perfect dream wedding can be a nightmare to behold.
Have Empathy with Bridezilla
As a man, try to imagine how your partner feels when she is finally asked the important (and maybe long-awaited) question of ‘will you marry me?’ It may be the case that she has waiting for and dreamt of this moment for many many years and once finally here she can now start to put into practice all the ideas she has carried around with her for most of her life, all the little details such as wanting a horse drawn carriage to take her to the church, the style of dress she wants, colour schemes etc. She may have already planned most of the day in her head before you’ve finished asking the question or gotten the ring out of its box!
The reality of actually planning a wedding is much harder than anyone first thinks and this reality soon hits the bride-to-be, then the pressure sets in and the enormity of the task in hand which she feels she is taking solely on her shoulders. After all she couldn’t possibly trust anyone else to organise the wedding of her dreams and for them to get it right, could she? All of this combined will help create the creature known as bridezilla.
Can you Prevent a Bridezilla?
It may be unpreventable but the groom can try to help his bride-to-be as much as possible, which may in turn prevent bridezilla showing her ugly head. When planning the wedding the groom should try to be as involved as possible, it is after all a special day for you both.
Discuss with her what roles and responsibilities you will be taking on, and keep to them! Establish a plan of action, with deadlines if necessary and at all points keep your fiancé as up to date as possible. A good idea might be to draw up a list of jobs to do, delegate the tasks to people and then tick them off once completed.
Organisation is the key, if everything runs as smoothly as possible with deadlines being met, the bride will have less things to worry about, wont carry the burden of arranging the whole day on her own and will have someone to share the responsibilities with.
How to Deal with Bridezilla
Grooms, above all, keep in mind that once the day is over your new wife should return to her normal self. The woman that you love and proposed to may have temporary been replaced by a self-absorbed and impatient person from another planet, but please have faith that your wonderful woman will return to you one day. (You may need to use this as a mantra when the going gets really tough!)
Suggestions on Things a Groom Should NOT Do
Never, ever belittle what an enormous task arranging a wedding is, especially not in hearing distance of the bride!- Do not criticise what your bride to be has already organised.
- Do not agree to do something and then not do it!
- Do not spend your time down at the pub with your mates leaving all the organisation to the bride-to-be.
- Do not try to avoid her; even if she is mistreating you, what she needs most is your support and strength.
- Do not shrug your shoulders if asked for an opinion on some arrangement, she may totally disregard your suggestion as she may have already made up her mind, but make sure you offer up an opinion as she wants you to at least sound like you are interested.
- Be careful what you say, the simplest words may be taken as criticism.
Things a Groom should do
- Be there for your bride to be.
- Offer her as much support as possible.
- Alleviate her fears that she is not being oversensitive or paranoid about the ‘little things’
- Be understanding. This is probably the most important day of her life and all the minor things do count.
- Offer positive suggestions and solutions rather than negative.
- Put yourself in her shoes and imagine the pressure she is putting herself under.
- If given a task, do it, and within deadlines if given.
- Ask her if she’s lost weight (that will keep bridezilla at bay for at least a while!)
- Treat her like a princess, shower her with affection, attention and compliments about the hard work that she has been doing.
- Accept that even though it is a special day for both of you, it may end up being more about her little girl dreams and fulfilling her fantasy wedding.
- Accept that at times whatever you say or do is not going to satisfy her.
- Take an interest in what she is doing, ask her about how the preparations are going and offer help if needed.
- Do not take it personally if and when she treats you badly. You are probably her only outlet for all her frustration and stress and unfortunately you,will be on the receiving end for much of it.
- Try to keep her as calm as possible, don’t give her any extra stress i.e. don’t arrange a stag night that will turn her hair white overnight with worry that you will be coming back with only one eyebrow or half a head of hair.
- Remember that it’s only until after the big day, then things should start to return to normal.
- Why not treat her to a relaxing day prior to the wedding; leaving you to organise something for her while she sheds some of her stress.
The most important gift a groom can give his bride is support. By understanding her needs, even if they do seem irrational, and helping alleviate the burden and stress that arranging a wedding can bring, bridezilla may make an appearance, but for how long depends on how she is dealt with. A supportive, reliable and organised groom can keep bridezilla at bay and give the woman he loves the day she has always dreamt of
