Grooms Taking the Brides Surname
For centuries the tradition has been that the bride, upon marriage, will take the name of her new husband. This is due to the belief that females ‘belonged’ and were the property of their father until their wedding day when the father would transfer her ownership (dower and any money or inheritance she may have) over to her new husband. Taking on her husband’s surname would reflect this change in status.
It’s such an important thing for most brides (and grooms), taking her husband’s name and making it official that she is part of a couple and that they are joined in commitment as well as title. In 1921 American Lucy Stone, an advocate for women’s rights questioned this tradition by refusing to take her husband’s surname…. At the Alter! Ms Stone stated ‘A wife should no more take her husband’s name than he should hers. My name is my identity and must not be lost’.
A sign of our times is that a growing number of men are now choosing to turn this tradition on its head by opting to give up their own surname and take on their brides.
Is Taking The Grooms Surname Outdated?
Some couples are now thinking that the ‘bride taking the grooms name’ tradition to be outdated and are considering that there should be a choice on which name to take, and couples are deciding this together, basing their decision on individuals wishing to keep their identity and equality in the partnership and, very importantly, when children come along, is the brides surname preferable to the grooms? There are several options available to couples nowadays such as:
- The traditional bride taking and using the grooms surname
- The bride can take the grooms surname officially but still use her maiden name in business or social settings
- The groom can take the brides surname officially but still use his former surname in business or social settings
- The bride and groom to double barrel both surnames
- Create a new name using both surnames combined (i.e. made up of all the letters)
- To choose a completely different surname, using neither of their surnames
There are other factors which may help the couple make their decision such as religious beliefs/values, family expectations and pressure, peer effects, professional standing, commitment, consideration of a child and ease of pronunciation and spelling.
Interesting surname compromises from around the world:
- In Japan if the bride is an only child her name may be honored in wedlock.
- In China the ru zhui tradition obliges less wealthy grooms to preserve their bride’s surname as a safeguard for future heirs
- Persian culture allows married women to keep their maiden name and to use their husband’s name during formal occasions.
- Modern day France also allows the wife to deem the husband’s surname as a ‘usage name’, adopted as the wife sees fit.
- Peru prefers to use both surnames in marriage, creating tongue-twisters i.e. should Jennifer Ortiz Galvez marry Richard Perez Salinas, she would become Jennifer Ortiz Galvez Perez Salinas! They then may opt to change the tongue-twister and untangle the names when children come along.
The surname for the newly married couple is more and more becoming a decision based on what they want rather than letting tradition and convention dictate to them what they should have. Although family and peer pressure are still being taken into consideration, couples are choosing their surname to represent what their relationship means to them. They are still just as married and just as committed to each other but have taken the bold step of not conforming to the ‘norm’ and making their own statement.
After all, didn’t Shakespeare himself, in the greatest love story of all time write ‘What is in a name?
