How to Cope with Second Thoughts About Your Wedding

unhappy coupleThe majority of people are certain they want to marry their partner and in fact not a single doubt crosses their mind but for a lot of people having second thoughts about their up and coming marriage is a natural process.  You are bound to feel scared and worried and question whether you are doing the right thing.  Committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life can be extremely daunting for some people.

Having second thoughts about the dress you have decided on or the jewellery you want to wear pale in significance in comparison to the second thoughts a lot of brides-to-be have just before their wedding day.  Of course it is not just the bride that has these feelings of doubt, many grooms-to-be also get cold feet and begin to doubt their decision.

To a lot of people, the worst thing possible is that on their wedding day they are jilted at the altar.  Many brides and grooms’ fear this and at some point before the ceremony this thought may well enter their mind.

Things to Consider

  • sad groomAre you worried that you may have outgrown each other?  A lot of your time has been taken up with the preparations for the wedding so this can feel like you’re growing apart.  It is important for you both to be involved in the planning so this does not happen.
  • Are you marrying for the right reasons? If you are doing it as you feel it is the next step in your relationship or to try and save it then you need to speak to your partner.
  • Be honest and open to your partner about how you feel.
  • Be prepared for your partner’s reaction.  A lot of people will not take kindly to being told their loved one might not wish to marry them, especially if the wedding is just days away.  Some people could take it as a huge rejection, so chose your words carefully.
  • Consider delaying the wedding until you or your partner is sure it is what you both want.
  • Try not to leave it until the day of the wedding to tell your partner you have doubts.
  • Has someone close to you recently split up?  This causes many people to question their own relationship.
  • It is understandable for people to think that a relationship might change after getting married, talk to you partner about your future plans before the wedding day.
  • The second thoughts scenario is shown a lot on television, particularly in soap dramas and most of the time their fears are overcome with a good talking to by a friend or a father figure.  Real life of course is not as dramatic although any fears and feelings of doubt should be taken seriously and if you decide to discuss these fears with a friend or family member before or instead of your partner, it should be with someone you consider to be reliable and sensible in such matters.
  • Try not to make a big issue about minor upsets during the planning that will add to your fears.  Planning for a wedding can be very stressful so this is bound to add more pressure to your relationship.

Talking it over with your partner is of course the best thing to do.  You might find that they were feeling the same doubts and having your feelings out in the open puts them up for discussion and will hopefully resolve any doubts you may have.

Things that Might Help

In an effort to disperse any thoughts of doubt you may experience about your wedding, why not try some of the following:

  • sad brideSpend some quality time with your partner and do something relaxing that you will both enjoy.   Maybe go on a short holiday away or a weekend break together.
  • Have a ‘wedding free’ few days where you don’t discuss it or think about it.
  • Try doing some breathing exercises or perhaps a bit of yoga.
  • Treat yourself to a massage or some other treatment that will relax you, perhaps a facial or a manicure?
  • How about taking some natural remedies to boost your energy.
  • Take some time for yourself to relax and think about exactly what you want.
  • Consider some counselling, either alone or with your partner.

Remember, at the end of the day it is your decision.  Do not be swayed by other people’s opinion or advice.  Try not to feel like you are alone, you are not the first person to feel this way and above all, discuss your feelings as soon as possible.  Do not keep them bottled up.