30 replies to this topic

[David]

Should you get married before having children?

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Comment below

[tempting]

For me I would prefer to be married before having children. I know a lot of people do it the other way round, but it's an important thing for me. Had I fallen pregnant before being married (well engaged really) the child would have had my name not the fathers.
Controversial I know!

[MiamiBride]

I have always wanted to get married first then have children, i guess it is just something i would prefer.
Nowadays it doesn't really matter.
Non of my family have ever been married apart from my Auntie and we have a huge family so i think its nice that i am doing it differently. xxx

[AmyT]

I always wanted to get married before having children as I never even considered any other way - it was what I had always known as it's what all of my family had done. However, it wasn't to be - I had Grace almost 4 years before we got married and it was lovely for her to be part of the day. We wanted to wait and get married before having another though.

[madmooer]

Errmmmmmm what can i say

[tempting]

Fay, weren't you still married when you had Theo? (just not to his dad!!)

[Ravenwolf]

Quote

Fay, weren't you still married when you had Theo? (just not to his dad!!)

Lol, now there's one for the divorce certificate

[PaulineC]

My dad would have murdered me if I had fallen pregnant before my wedding but that was my generation!

My youngest daughter has been with her partner for 17 years and they have two children with no plans to get married - both the children have mummy's name but thats only because daddy's last name is not a very nice one (in my daughter's opinon). They were best friends before they began courting (old name I know :-p) and they are still best friends!

Each to their own and every situation is different - some planned and some not planned.

[crystalvelvet]

I'm really interested to see the results of this pole.
The church of England has recently introduced a litergy especially for couples who want to marry and have their children christened / baptised as partttt of the ceremony.
There are many vicars who previously combined the two for couples, but with the advent of the all in one litergy, there are some who feel that the church is weakening on it's moral ground.

[Bridezilla]

I don't really see what difference it makes to be honest!

[David]

crystalvelvet, on Oct 19 2009, 16:43 PM, said:

I'm really interested to see the results of this pole.
The church of England has recently introduced a litergy especially for couples who want to marry and have their children christened / baptised as partttt of the ceremony.
There are many vicars who previously combined the two for couples, but with the advent of the all in one litergy, there are some who feel that the church is weakening on it's moral ground.

Unless the baby is born a few minutes after 'I Do' - not so bad then

[Carina]

ummm i personally dont think it matters.

when i was younger i planned to get married before having any children. and thank god it didnt end like that coz i would have married a right idiot lol (threw me out at 9 months pregnant when i thought everything was fine but i wont get into that now lol)

now i have 3 children and am finally getting married to the girls dad,

i dont see it makes any difference wether we were married before or not.

[Sio]

I always expected to get married before having kids so that we could enjoy being a married couple on our own first. Plus, because, to me, it should be a more stable family unit. I know this isn't always, or even often the case, but just how I feel. I also felt that if we had kids and then got married people would think it was just because we had a kid, even if it wasn't, that it was inevitable.

Funnily I remember thinking when we had 9 months to go that if I got pregnant then the baby would be born after the wedding.

[madmooer]

tempting, on Oct 19 2009, 15:39 PM, said:

Fay, weren't you still married when you had Theo? (just not to his dad!!)

Errrrrrmmmmmmm yep !! still am In my defence i did change my name back by deed poll not that makes it any better

Ravenwolf, on Oct 19 2009, 16:02 PM, said:

Lol, now there's one for the divorce certificate

LOL tell me about it!! god i'm worse than an episode of eastenders!!!

[Arline]

I have always wanted to get married before I had children but I think that that is because I am a Catholic and brought up with the Catholic way! Lol! I don't think it makes any difference in the whole scheme of things but it was always something personal to me that I wanted to get married before having kids. My friend has been with her partner for over 10 years now though and they have a four year old and are both really happy...they have no intention of getting married at all. Personal preference now I think rather than it being a moral or even religious thing!

[BumbleBee]

There's lots of reasons I wouldn't have kids before being married. Firstly, my upbringing was very religious and secondly I think it just would work better for me in many ways. E.g. we can have some time being married before having a family, like Sio said. Also I will have time to finish uni and start a career so I can find myself and settle into a profession, and also of course this means that we can have two incomes so that we can actually afford to have children. And yeah...there are many family members and friends who would have killed me if I had gotten pregnant!

[Bee]

I picked it doesn't make a difference

I have a LO, he is 18 months old and we're not married yet. He was a complete surprise, we'd only been together for a few weeks! and I'd just started my teaching probation year.

Won't be having any more till after the wedding now though as its cutting it fine

[futuremrsmires]

it doesnt make a difference really unless money is a problem. My fiance wants to get married first and i repect that. i dont mind which way it turns out although id love to have kids soon.

i fell pregnant earlier this year but sadly lost it.....But now i have urned my thoughts to planning our wedding and finding a place of our own(we live with his parents) before havin children. makes sense really

[Bridezilla]

futuremrsmires, on Oct 21 2009, 09:54 AM, said:

i fell pregnant earlier this year but sadly lost it.....But now i have urned my thoughts to planning our wedding and finding a place of our own(we live with his parents) before havin children. makes sense really

Sorry to hear that and welcome to chaos xx

[windsweptstina]

I really didn't think it made a difference - but since I returned to an island full of religious folks, where even living in sin is seriously frowned upon, I thought it best to wait. For those who don't know, Lewis & Harris have a high proportion of stonch christians (aka Wee Frees) who strictly observe the Sabbath, amongst other things.

We knew we wanted babies, but weren't fussed about the wedding - just felt it best to do things the right way round to save any agro towards us or our offspring.

I should also say that my Dad (my best friend in the world) wanted me to be secure in a marriage before having kids - which is fair enough.