30 replies to this topic

[Bridezilla]

windsweptstina, on Oct 21 2009, 10:29 AM, said:

I really didn't think it made a difference - but since I returned to an island full of religious folks, where even living in sin is seriously frowned upon, I thought it best to wait. For those who don't know, Lewis & Harris have a high proportion of stonch christians (aka Wee Frees) who strictly observe the Sabbath, amongst other things.

We knew we wanted babies, but weren't fussed about the wedding - just felt it best to do things the right way round to save any agro towards us or our offspring.

I should also say that my Dad (my best friend in the world) wanted me to be secure in a marriage before having kids - which is fair enough.

Where is the Isle of Harris then? So are you and your fella not able to live together yet?

[windsweptstina]

Harris is way up off the far north west of Scotland... OH and I went against the norm and share a house - but it was a bit of an issue with some people. Some landlords won't even rent a house to an unmarried couple.

[chantaldh]

I'd personally rather be married first but I dont think in general that it matters as long as the relationship is secure, and the child is wanted and loved.

Chantal D-H

[jenny]

For me its marriage first so i guess i dont have to worry about kids as i would hate to get it wrong

[cheapandcheerful]

I replied that I thought it didn't matter whether you were married or not before you had your children. I always thought when I was younger that it would be nice to be married for a while and have the time together before sprogs came along but then I fell pregnant at 18 so all that went out the window!
I am now marrying my sons father after 8 years together, I would have never married him before having my son, my dad took a while to get over the shock of pregnancy, let along a wedding on top! It has worked well for us, since we have both been to uni and are now both teaching but it has been a real financial pain in the wotsit...hence my username!! So I agree with others who say its best to be prepared both mentally and financially!

[sara82]

Yeah, I think it doesn't matter either way, but personally, Id rather be married first as I'm not sure I could afford to get married once I have children! Also - and this is very selfish - you can focus on yourselves more than you could if you had children.

If I was getting married after having kids, I'd wait til they were a bit older I think. One of my mates recently got married and her baby girl is only a year old. The little girl was poorly on the wedding day, so her mum (the bride) spent most of the day consoling her daughter rather than enjoying her special day with her new husband. Being a mum comes first (for most women), so your priorities are different.

[MrsSmith73]

I had always wanted to get married first then have children after - hasten to say that my plan did not work out and had two children before getting married (my children were 15 and 13 when I got married and had their dad's name since day 1). My hubby and I have been together now for 18 years. I don't think it matters these days so long as the child/children are bought up in a happy and loving environment.

Edited by MrsSmith73, 10 January 2010 - 14:25.

[XMASBRIDE]

I dont think it matters as some people dont marry these days but i am an old fashioned girl and imagined myself married before kids

[MRSLtobe]

Well like many of you, always thought I would be married before having any kids but when we were engaged for a year and wedding had been booked for 8 months we found out we were 7 weeks pregnant, we get married in 5 weeks and baby is 14 weeks and it's the best thing that's happened to us we have been together 6 years and lived together 3 I will start planning baby2 after weddig and so happy our little boy will be part of the day. I am a practisibg catholic who went through major surgery when young and was told there wasa good chance I wouldn't get pregnant and if I did my back might b able to cope with the pressure, I carried full term, had a natural labour (though drs wanted me to have a section) and gave birth to healthy big baby boy weighing 9lbs 9.5 some folk including parents were shocked by what I managed to go through. Also priest who is marrying us has been fantastic and extremely happy for us, known us for years seperately and as a couple so knows we hav strong relationship and dedicated to one another as some priests wouldn't marry u in our situation. X

[katahnya]

For myself it doesn't matter. I have my daughter already and am getting married and she's getting a new and better daddy out of it too.

It is really down to the individuals preference though.

I think it is a good idea that you are in a settled relationship and have a suitable place to live and can financially and emotionally support the child. These to me are the important things.

[nikkibruce2]

As long as YOU'RE happy then do is matter? Naaahhh!

Nx